What is Balance, Really?

3/19/2009
by vianesa

Why do the people who tell me I need to make sure I achieve balance don't have kids?

"Make sure you balance everything." Is what one of my old bosses used to tell me. "That's great what you're doing, but make sure you have balance" from a female colleague. Balance, balance, balance, blah, blah, blah. It's like the old Peanuts cartoons where every adult speaks in the "bwah, bwah, bwah" voice. And I'm tired of hearing it.

Think about it for a second. What is balance? What is the ratio? Is it 50% work and 50% life? This is what the media wants you to believe, as I hear work-life balance so much I've gone deaf to it. And you should too. There is no balance. There is no work-life balance either by the way. If you try to achieve it, you will struggle. Take care of yourself first, and your family will thrive.

We moms need to learn to become whole. We'll get there by taking care of ourselves...first.

Let's talk about it! Join me on my weekly Q&A calls every Wednesday. Dial 219-509-8111 Code#: 972025

Be well!

Vianesa

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Anonymous
3/20/2009 10:37:04 AM

So true. One can't help others unless you help yourself first. Think of yourself as a well -- you need to be sure it does not become dry. I once heard a wise person say that a parent needs to become comfortable with always having a shift in attention to daily activities with "A's, B's & C's. Your attention to priorities must shift and on some days your attention to work will be a C, mothering the kids will be an A, and caring for yourself will be a B. These are always shifting so there is no perfect 50-50.

Anonymous
3/21/2009 7:10:51 PM

Trying to define "balance" in one's life is definitely something that, dare I say, stresses me out a bit. I agree with you, Vianesa, that trying to achieve some sort of perfect formula is all but impossible. What I attempt to do is take my hectic life day by day and minute by minute. I try to be sure that I am living (truly present) in each moment; so for me, a full-time working wife and mother of three, that means giving 110% on the job and when I am with my family, making every effort to show them that they are truly what sustains me. As far as the latter is concerned, that means making breakfast for my kids before heading to the office, having lunch with my husband when possible, and indulging in pleasantly simple night time routines. I think that it is important not to get caught up thinking about the future projects when family time is upon us--and between the hours of 9 to 5, try not to feel guilty about not physically being there with your family (making a stable, comfortable life for them is pretty noble). And regarding the much neglected personal time, what helps me stay on track is putting that designated time on my calendar along with my professional appointments so that I don't try to weasel my way out of it--it seems more official that way:) ! Everyone benefits when "mommy/the wife" prioritizes (and actually takes) that healthy solo time.

vianesa
4/14/2009 6:02:59 AM

Oh so true, Anonymous! Everyone does benefit when mommy prioritizes her solo time. Why can't we do that just like we do other appointments?

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